My husband and I have been married for five years. Much of that time was very difficult for us as a couple because of his constant feelings of stress, impatience and occasional angry outbursts. He was also very bad about starting projects, large or small, at home and never really finishing them. He was recently diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and is taking medication. We’re excited to be able to name the reason for his behavior, but we want to learn more about we, as a couple, can cope with this disorder.
 

First, avoid help that blames everything on emotional issues. Most of your husband’s anger is due to the frustration of not being able to focus and concentrate. These are problems are related to the Attention Deficit Disorder, rather than to feelings about you. Research shows that deep psychological therapies do not tend to help the condition, but short-term therapies and coaching can help. A counselor/ADD coach can help you both get educated on his neurobiological condition and its impact on your marriage. A counselor can help your husband recognize behaviors brought on by ADD and give him ways to cope, such as training him to control his anger when he’s trying to concentrate. A counselor or coach can also help your husband give his doctor accurate feedback concerning his medication. You can see a counselor or coach to help organize day-to-day tasks that often seem to overwhelm and distract persons with ADD. Tips from the counselor can help you stick to routines by creating deadlines and structure. Your husband can also learn more about ADD from videos, audio tapes and magazines, especially since many folks with ADD don’t enjoy reading books.  

David G. Guckes, MS, LPC
Private Practice
O’Fallon, MO
Ellisville, MO
636-978-6901

Editor’s note: Additional helpful information can be found at www.add.org, web site of the national Attention Deficit Disorder Association.

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