There was a time when parents could tell their children never talk to or get into a car with strangers. Apparently this is no longer the answer. Statistics tell us that 80% of all abductions are done by a person that the child knows. Is there nothing parents can do or say to keep their children safe? I’m afraid to allow my little ones to play on the sidewalk in front of our house and I have a friend who now sleeps in the same room as her little girl. I also fear this kind of attitude will have a negative effect on a child’s mental health. What can you tell the many parents who are now living with this terrible fear for their children?

Our world can be frightening, particularly in light of recent abductions and stories of missing children. However, living in fear is not the answer. Children must grow up with a sense of confidence that will better prepare them to react in any situation, as opposed to being paralyzed by fear. Parents should set forth basic rules in order to protect their children. Explain why the rules are made, and do not convey a lack of trust in them. Children of any age, even through early adolescence, should follow the rules listed below.

• Use the buddy system
• Never go anywhere with anyone unless you have your parent’s permission
• Use caution when communicating over the Internet: do not give out any personal information, including daily schedules and routines, to any online "buddies."

In terms of "not talking to strangers," there may come a time when a child may need to talk to a stranger, i.e., police officer or store clerk, if they feel threatened or see someone else who may be in trouble. As parents, keep things in perspective. Teach your child to be cautious, not fearful. Most of us travel in cars even though there is a chance we may be in an accident; however, we wear seat belts. Do what you can to protect your children, and teach them why rules need to be followed.

Lori Ahrens, LCSW
Lifeline Counseling Services
St. Peters, MO
314-610-0753

Though I would highly recommend that every parent go over precautions regarding sexual abuse and abductions on the same premises as fire and tornado drills with their children, I would strongly advise against trying to raise them in a protected bubble. Contrary to what you might believe, your child needs to deal with life’s realities and challenges instead of avoiding them.

Dr. James Dobson, with Focus on the Family on a radio broadcast, illustrates this by contrasting plants living in the rain forest versus the desert. A tree planted in a rain forest is never forced to extend its roots downward in search of water. Hence, it is never deeply anchored and can be toppled down even by moderate wind. In contrast, the mesquite tree, surviving in the desert’s scorching heat, penetrates its roots more than 30 feet into the earth to obtain water. This firmly anchored plant is fortified to face all enemies and foes. This illustration applies to our children as well. Those who have learned to face challenges are more secure than those who have been shielded from them. Our task as parents is not only to intervene when threats are overwhelming, but we should coach our children’s courageous efforts, nurture their spirit, ground them with a spiritual heritage, and empower them with the necessary tools to face the challenges of the 21^st century.

Paul H. Wang, M. Div., Ph.D.
AlphaCare Behavioral Health Institute
St. Louis, MO 63105
314-721-7777

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