We recently adopted a beautiful little girl from the Philippines. She has a slight physical abnormality and is very aware of her "differences." We remind her every day that she is beautiful in her own special way. She will soon start pre-school, and as a new parent, I’m concerned about any negative experiences she might encounter. How can I best help her?

Almost all children will run into personal bullying at some point, and the threat of violence has unfortunately become a part of all our daily lives. The most important thing parents can do to help their children cope is to let them know they are warmly and sincerely loved and that they are capable individuals who can meet challenges. Ideally, these messages should start as soon as an infant comes into the world.

We now know a great deal about the importance of early development. The way parents react to a child’s crying, the amount of talking they do to and with their child, the regular ways in which they play together, all can have major impact on the child’s feeling of self-worth and trust (social-emotional development), ability to problem-solve (cognitive development), and later academic success (language development). Healthy progression in these areas helps a child cope with whatever challenges come up years later when school starts.

Missouri families are fortunate to have access to Parents As Teachers, a free family support and parent education program. Regular visits by trained parent educators throughout pregnancy until Kindergarten entry help parents give their children the very best change to thrive overall - and to feel equipped to face whatever comes up outside of the family. Call your local school district for details about Parents As Teachers, and remember that parents are their children’s first and best teachers, positioned to launch their children into schools and life success.

Susan S. Stepleton
President and CEO
Parents As Teachers National Center
St. Louis, MO

The best way to protect your daughter is to help her develop a positive feeling about herself. Since she is aware of her "differences," acknowledging them and talking about how she feels about them will be a good beginning. You may be hesitant to do this fearing that it will only hurt her, but to love is not to deny reality, but to acknowledge it. That way she’ll learn that she can rely on you to tell her the truth and that she can openly talk to you about how she feels.

Even the best-intentioned protection breeds resentment and not talking about the obvious may give her a feeling that it is something embarrassing and shameful. While talking about "her differences" it is also essential to emphasize similarities and to include humor in your conversation. The more open and honest your communication is the better your daughter will feel about herself, resulting in the confident ability to defend herself when the need arises. You may talk to her how nasty some people can be and how to respond when someone teases her. Since you will not be able to be always there to protect her, this way you are giving her tools that will help her to protect herself.

Basia Waite-Wright, MSW, LCSW
Clinical Director
International Institute of St. Louis
3654 S. Grand Blvd.
St. Louis, MO 63118
314-773-9090 ext. 168

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