I can’t figure out what’s happened to my husband lately. He’s late to work, says he doesn’t get anything done at the office and comes home exhausted. He stares at the TV all night and is no help with the kids. I’m left to manage the entire household and my job, and I’m at my wits’ end. I don’t like feeling angry with him since he seems so sad all the time, but I resent that he’s become so distant and irresponsible. It’s almost like he’s depressed, but I thought only women had depression. Do you think he needs psychiatric help?

People of all ages experience the ups and downs of everyday life. In most cases, we confront and deal with the "downs"—like stress, grief and disappointment—and move on. Sometimes, however, the problems an individual experiences are beyond day-to-day difficulties and may be symptoms of depression or another psychiatric disorder that affect not only the life of that person, but—as you describe in the question above—the entire family.

Males and females of all ages can become depressed. In fact, 10 percent of men—or one in 10—experience a clinical depression in their lifetimes. Without treatment, depression can affect all aspects of life, leaving individuals unable to cope with and effectively participate in their daily routines and obligations. In severe cases, individuals with depression may lose hope for the future and consider—or even attempt—suicide. The best news is: depression is treatable. While it sounds as if your husband may be experiencing clinical depression, a diagnosis is best determined through an assessment by a trained behavioral health professional who can evaluate the severity of the problem and whether or not psychiatric treatment is needed. CenterPointe Hospital specializes in providing inpatient and outpatient behavioral health services for all ages—children, adolescents and adults—and offers free, confidential assessments. Assessments are available 24 hours by calling 636-441-7300 or toll free 1-800-345-5407.

Saaid Khojasteh, MD
CenterPointe Hospital

Since this is a change in your husband’s behavior, it’s important to talk with him about your concerns. Yes, both men and women experience depression. Current research indicates that an increasing number of Americans are experiencing and being treated for depression. The increasing stress in our society can bring about a stress-related depression. More than ever before, we are finding greater numbers of men describing symptoms of depression and recognizing that they can seek relief through the mental health profession.

Your husband’s behavior suggests symptoms common with those of depression. Typical with depression, at least four of the following signs and symptoms are usually present: sleep disturbance (an increase or decrease in usual pattern); appetite disturbance with a change in weight, decreased energy; increased agitation or irritability; difficulty concentrating or making a decision; and inability to experience pleasure or a pervasive loss of interest in almost all activities; some paranoid thinking; thoughts of helplessness; tendency to withdraw or isolate self; a pervasive deterioration of decomposition in work or work-like situations.

I encourage you to talk with your husband about your concerns and the changes in his behavior. Encourage him to talk with his primary care physician to gain direction to the appropriate mental health professional. When one member of the family is affected in this way, the whole family feels it.

Patricia E. Berne, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Clayton, MO
314-725-0550

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