I’m terribly depressed. In the past ten years, I feel as though I’ve had more than my share of negatives in my life. I’ve lost my husband a daughter. Of course this has also changed my financial position. My doctor thinks I should see a therapist. I contend these things can’t be fixed, so why bother? What’s your opinion?

"There is nothing either good or bad," said William Shakespeare, "but thinking that makes it so." How one looks at the events in one’s life determines whether they lead to you growing or receding. The loss of loved ones is without a doubt traumatic. But as unlikely as it might sound right now, this tragedy ultimately may offer you the possibility of personal growth, in the form of greater independence. As a single person, you now will have the freedom to choose without having to take into account the needs of a spouse or child.

How is that possible? In a word - Psychotherapy. Psychotherapy can help turn your "lemons" into "lemonade" by challenging the "dubious duo" of depressed thinking:

1. "Only bad outcomes are possible."
2. "Nothing I do can possibly help make things better."

The problem with your stance towards your loss is that it precludes any efforts to cope. Not doing anything to change how you feel virtually assures that your depression will last a long time. When psychotherapy is combined with modern antidepressants (the SSRI’s, such as Zoloft, Celexa, Paxil, and Prozac), it has a very encouraging chance of allowing you to escape the helpless and hopeless sadness that currently defines your life. So don’t just sit there feeling sad….Get up! Make that call!

As my Jewish mother would say…"It couldn’t hurt..."

Steven Tenenbaum, Ph.D.
Director, Attention Deficit Center/Affiliated Psychotherapists
314-991-7779

Indeed, you have suffered a number of losses. The way in which we grieve has a great deal to do with how we are able to move forward in our lives following a loss. Sometimes, when we haven’t known how to grieve in ways that promote healing, we are left with what we call "unresolved grief." This can leave us in a state of depression for long periods of time. Your statement that your losses can’t be "fixed" is very accurate. Therapy can’t bring back your husband or your daughter, but it can teach you ways to move through the grieving process so that you can begin to enjoy your life again. Therapy can’t "fix" your financial position, but it may help you explore options and find new ways to use your current resources in ways that will help you gain greater enjoyment from what you do have. Therapy is a process by which we increase our skills and learn to deal more effectively with difficult times in our lives. Your doctor has probably treated other patients who have been helped by therapy and believes that you could benefit from it as well. From the information in your letter, it seems like therapy may be very beneficial.

Dianna Fine, LPC
St. Louis, MO 63141
314-836-1502

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