Is a negative personality a sign of a mental disorder? My friend doesn’t seem to enjoy life in any way. He complains about everything, doesn’t particularly like anyone, uses unacceptable language, is disorganized in every aspect, and is generally down on life. If you tell me this is a sign of a mental illness, perhaps I will be able to understand him better and will try to be more tolerant. I just don’t know the best thing to say or do in this situation.

There is too little substantial evidence to make a diagnosis of a mental disorder, which may in fact be present. One would wonder why one would be his friend; friendship involves give-and-take. Perhaps you might consider moving out of his orbit and making some more promising friendships. The time for your tolerance would be if he were actively working toward self-improvement, using professional help and medication as prescribed. As it is, he is telling everyone to leave him alone so he can do and say the behaviors you have described. He does not seem to seek any changes in himself, so he would be hostile toward anyone who offers anything but acceptance, without comment, on his terms. It is puzzling what another would get from a relationship with this person, when the best defense against his abusive attitudes and behaviors would simply be to move out of his striking distance. Real friends treasure one another.

Joanne B. Gilden, Ph.D.
St. Louis, MO

Negativity can be a sign of a mental disorder, but not necessarily. In some instances, negativity is a sign that the person is functioning in a hostile, abusive environment.

However, you also describe your friend as disorganized, complaining and joyless. These certainly are signs of serious depression.

Depression robs a person of the energy it takes to put their life in order. The depressed person doesn’t want to be tired and lack initiative. They simply are. Unfortunately, a depressed, negative attitude is self-defeating. The person expects failure and disappointment and consequently fails to take the steps necessary to succeed.

Depression is a serious disorder and you, as a friend, can do little to alter it. Suggest to your friend that he seek professional help. Medication and psychotherapy have been proven to be very effective for depression.

The best approach to being with your friend is to be yourself and say what is true for you. It may help a depressed person to seek help if they realize that not everyone sees the world in the same gloomy way.

Patricia Boever, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist
Creative Change, LLC
Webster Groves, MO 63119
314-962-7788

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