My 14-year old son is very worried about one of his friends at school. His friend talks a lot about death, admits to thinking about suicide, and has asked my son to keep this secret. What should I do?

Be proud and pleased your son felt comfortable talking about suicide. Too often, the stigma of suicide prevents conversations about this serious topic. Talk with your son about his friend’s comments. Educate your son by explaining that with help from a doctor, therapist, and/or possibly medication, his friend can overcome his suicidal thoughts. According to the Center for Disease Control, 26% of young people between grades eight and twelve have had serious thoughts about suicide. Here are some ways you and your son can help.

·        Take the situation seriously.

·        Contact school officials (teacher, counselor or principal). Many schools have protocols to deal with a suicidal student. School officials will contact parents and hopefully give referrals for mental health professionals.

·        Have your son talk to his friend to tell him how much his friendship means to him. Have your son express his concern and encourage his friend to seek help. Make sure your son explains he could not keep his secret because he does not want his friend to hurt himself.   

Escalating needs for youth services and concerns about suicide have led to grass roots efforts to place children’s mental health initiatives on the November ballot. Take time to learn how these initiatives (Proposition 1 in St. Charles County; Proposition Healthy Kids in Jefferson County; Proposition K in the City of St. Louis) could help increase mental health services for children in your area. 

Steve Estopare
Associate Program Director, Suicide Prevention Education
Mental Health Association
314-773-1399

In 2000, suicide was the third leading cause of death among young people 15 to 24 years of age. I’m not sure by your question if your son is afraid of telling someone about his friend’s suicide ideation or just not aware of where to go for help. Obviously your son is able to discuss with you his concerns about his friend, probably because he realizes he can’t help his friend and seeks your assistance. The worst thing anyone could do in this situation would be to ignore, minimize or otherwise invalidate the feelings of the at-risk person. Your son cannot allow his friend to control him by telling him to keep it secret. What he needs more than anything else at this point is a support group of friends, professionals and family that will help him through these difficult and negative behaviors.  Teachers and counselors are mandated reporters, so their responsibility would be to get him professional help. Your son or you can anonymously call the Missouri School Violence Hotline at 1-866-748-7047. Contact a school counselor or principal or call the school crisis hotline if available. Contact the friend’s parents. Call KUTO (Kids Under Twenty-One) suicide helpline at 314-644-5886.  Tell someone; tell anyone. The risk of suicide shouldn’t be a secret.  

Jack Baldwin
Crisis Counselor
West High School
Fort Zumwalt Schools
636.379-0300

Want to see other Open Mind columns?  Click here for Archive Index.